Hofbrauhaus

18-24 Market Lane, Melbourne
Telephone 03 9663 3361

A recent post by Thanh over at I Eat Therefore I Am reminded me of an entry that has been sitting in my drafts since March (...such is the state of my drafts!). So I thought I would add my two cents.

Established in 1968, Hofbrauhaus is where you want to go if you have a hankering for slap dancing, yodeling and stodgy Bavarian fare. There is also beer, which you may very well need once the knee-slapping and live band starts up (is this what hell is like?). Despite that, it is an "experience" if one has a penchant for such things.

There is a lot of meat on this menu - schnitzels, hocks, meatloafs, bratwursts, frankfurters, krainers, debreciners, goulash, kassler, and stews. Then there are potatoes and sauerkraut. You get the drift. We spied the house special pork hock (which Thanh mentioned/ate in his post), and we were seriously scared. It quivered gelatiniously on the plate, the size of a football. That was one chunk of meat!

EG went the bratwurst, or beef sausage, which was served as a pair over a pile of buttery (!)mash and sauerkraut ($23.90). It wasn't quite what he expected - the sausages were a little on the bland side, which was quite surprising considering the Bavarians are known for their wurst (well hey, they do boast over 1500 types of the buggers). The sausages and mash also sat in a pool of salty water, which unfortunately wasn't sauce-like or flavoursome at all.

I couldn't go past the crumbed new age pork schnitzel served with salad and mash ($26.50). Funnily enough, this behemouth is the small version (it also comes in a giant version for $29.50). The schnitzel wasn't too bad - it was tender and nicely crumbed, although there was just a little too much of it. The sprinkle of chopped parsley on both dishes was also an interesting retro touch ;-).

Mrs.Palma's

25 Little Bourke Street, Melbourne
Telephone: 03 9639 2269

If you like your parmas and schnitzels supersized, then Mrs.Palma's is definitely the place for you. Not only does this restaurant/bar/pub/bottleshop specialise in a dizzying array of crumbed chicken/veal topped with copious amounts of cheese and other stodgy products, they also serve an impressive range of Victorian microbrews, such as Grand Ridge, Mildura, Holgate and Red Hill.

Frankly I couldn't go the parma, despite it being the signature dish. So I decided on the traditional Weiner schnitzel topped with a piquant German relish. It was a tad on the oily side and absolutely gargantuan on the plate. But I must admit defeat - I was only half way through when I had to pull out in fear of rupturing an artery. And to be quite honest, it wasn't an entirely pleasurable eating experience. It was just waaay too much - I felt defeated before I even picked up my fork.

Alas, the big burly blokes on my table practically inhaled their parmas, swilling a couple of microbrews to boot. This is perhaps a place for the lads, which was approximately 95% of the clientele on the day of my visit too.

Just ensure you make a booking, as this is one very popular spot for the ol' parma and pot (on a Friday especially).